UKJester's "Poltergeist" Rant

What is a Poltergeist?

Fucking annoying! That's what a Poltergeist is.

I may be jumping to conclusions here. Wild, hysterical conclusions, but I think I am being haunted.
Probably a Poltergeist.
Okay, I'm not insane but some pretty weird shit has happened in the last 7 days.


  • First off, I have access to the live and recorded CCTV footage from the sterile area at work (don't ask). I was watching a recording the other day and noticed the mops that my cleaners use were on the floor, after the guys had left the building. I stepped back through the footage and the mops seem to just throw themselves off the wall. There is nobody else in the room, there hasn't been for about 40 minutes. You can't actually see the wall, but you can clearly see the floor where the mops land. It looks like they were thrown quite hard. I went in later and the hooks that the mops clip into were fine.
    Verdict - Quite amusing.
  • Secondly, We have been getting very strong static shocks whenever we remove any of the sticky mats at work (again, don't ask). It doesn't matter which cleaner it is, or which mat we change, we still get an audible 'crack' when we discharge it (I found the back of someone's ear gets the best reaction). Only seems to happen to the cleaners.
    Verdict - Amusing at first, annoying after the second day.
  • Thirdly, I cycled my bike home from work, as normal. I put the bike in the spare room downstairs, again as normal. I went to use the bike the next day to get to work and find the rear de-railer is wedged in the back wheel. It looks like it has been smacked with a club hammer so hard it has bent a steel bracket and the de-railer itself.
    Verdict - Very annoying and probably quite costly.
  • Fifthly, what happened to fourthly?

  • Fourthly, oh, there it is.

  • Sixthly, my PC went ping last night. Just shut down for no apparent reason while I was playing Minecraft. I tracked it down to a memory chip so I am down to 1gb until my 2 new 2gb sticks arrive (4gb woohoo!).
    Verdict - Very annoying but at least not too costly (£21 for both chips).
  • Lastly (or should I say most recently) I got locked INSIDE the building at work today. We had cleaned it and were locking up. The other cleaner was outside, I was inside and the door wouldn't shut. I noticed an odd bolt (never seen it before) sticking out of one of the magnets so I pushed it. The door closed, and the bolt popped back across into the other magnet, locking the door. No way to open it. There is no button, no key, no anything to move the bolt back. As usual, all the people I had to call either had their phone turned off or didn't answer. I managed to escape through the back door and over the compound fence, which is the way they will have to get back in tomorrow morning at 6am :)
    Verdict - I can see dead people!